Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
