Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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