Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
