Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
