I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
