and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
