Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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