The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize