you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
