Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
