i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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