so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
tequila makes me forget i have legs
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
