when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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