Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
