he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize