Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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