im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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