just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
