Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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