that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He? As in you personified your dick?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
