Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize