my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
