North Korea, Best Korea!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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