That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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