I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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