Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
