Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
