if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
