I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
