I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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