yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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