I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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