Can Purell be used as lube?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize