just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
