so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
