Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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