he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
