the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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