it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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