im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
