Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
