My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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