You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
4 words: hood of his car
im holly from the hills drunk
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
