yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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