Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
