Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
