It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
