So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
