6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
