Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
