the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
