Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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