Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
