Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
