walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
