my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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