Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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