Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize