I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
