Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
4 words: hood of his car
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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