You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
