Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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