Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
