lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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