So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
