I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
