He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
