I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
