i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i will never coherently bang her
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
