I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
