9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
