Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
