he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
