so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
