i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
