You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
