Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
