I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize