i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
