"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
