True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
