can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
