like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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