If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
ttyl tear gas
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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