Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
someone threw a dead crab at me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
