windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize