I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
