I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
