Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
