Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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