dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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