Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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