I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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