I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
