Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
