I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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