I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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