I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize